In the intercourse of my Life


      Dear Reader,
        The following blog is about

                       

   Please take this into consideration, before you read any further. I can’t seem to distinguish between what is appropriate, and what is not. Therefore, I warn you, and I relinquish any responsibility. If you have an opinion that is contrary to mine, keep it to yourself, or write your own goddamn blog. I’ll read it. (sure I will) 

Screwing, banging, fucking, shagging, bomping, or just plain, “doing it”, will suffice if you need to refer to the deed itself, Who wants to be so damn technical about it. Technical can be a turn off, Show Me Your Mammary glands!  Being so forward can scare your prey away, or your love bird (it takes all kinds)  I don’t know a woman who wants to hear, “Excuse me, Miss, would you mind if I were  to thrust my penis in and out of your vagina, until I ejaculate….please…..thank you.”

 Everyone loves Sex, except for those who don’t get it. They convince themselves that they hate it. I would hate it too, if my whole life was spent in a celibate frustration. I don’t see how Monks, Priests, and Nuns do it. I believe they do “do it”, behind closed doors. Maybe not all, Nuns aren’t really known for being babes, but I have seen some Betty’s in the mix. Priests are gay, end of story. I’m pretty sure all of them are. I don’t deny their love of God, however, celibacy is not natural. We desire sex, almost as much as we desire food. I’m trying to explain that sex is natural, not enable a sex addiction. We don’t get Fuck breaks at work, now do we? I have known many to take them, particularly married people with people other than their spouses.

 The desire is natural, however, you can live without it. Yes, you can. I stopped eating meat 9 years ago, and I live in Texas! You can make it. There are some severe withdrawals, but like the rest of them, you get over it. 

 If you became sexually active early in life, and you have never since ceased for a period of time, I would suggest you try some time in the celibate state of mind. It does redirect sexual  energy, and you start to notice yourself becoming better  at other things. This is how the whole superstition started, and why baseball players don’t bebop while they are on a winning streak. It has nothing to do with anything other than redirected energy. If you, too, are famous, attractive, and wealthy, and you cut out sex, you will be so frustrated, you will hit that ball into outer space. Why do you think the Quarterback for the Cowboys dumped Jessica Simpson? Pussy is distracting, that’s why!(Well, it is for some, not for me.)

 Taking a vow of celibacy, is not natural, nor is it sanctioned by Christ. Churches make up so many rules, that really don’t make sense. People accept them, no questions asked. How an institution could ask a man, with fully functioning testicles that are pumping testosterone through his bloodstream, to abstain from Sex, and from masturbation, is disturbing. What sick and twisted individual came up with that? Some pontiff wanted to remain boss way after he was gone, that is control at the core. I thought Christ was supposed to have brought us freedom? Why the Church seeks to oppress, I would really like to know. How the hell can a gaggle of faggots get together in Rome, and then decide, “Hey Gurls, before we  do cocktails and twinks, lets decide on the Church’s stance on homosexuality. Since we speak directly to God, I say we fuck those bitches. As long as Gays are kept down, maybe we can continue to perpetrate this fraud? Who feels me? Is that not fabulous thinking? I think I’ll treat myself to an alter boy. Okay Miss Thangs! Meeting adjourned. I believe gay men, throughout history, have entered the priesthood to deal with being gay in such an intolerant society. Even the threat of eternal damnation could not stop them from doing it. I happen to know, because it hasn’t stopped me! At one time, I believed I was going to Hell for being gay, now I know, the one who told me I was going to Hell, is actually the one going to Hell. (He who throws the first stone)

 Sex was made by God, why would we be sent to Hell for it? Ya see, the Devil is in the details. Pedophilia, rape, bestiality, incest, or any other perversion has really nothing to do with sex at its core. It has to do with power, which brings us back to ego, which is where Hell originates from.

“I will be like the most High. I will be God!”
-This was the original sin, not the naked body, and our desire for it. That is a whole other plate of potatoes, so I will digress.

However, I feel it necessary to illustrate that Sex is not what is evil. Sex is not dirty. Sex is good, and like all good things, Humans will abuse it…and yes, some pervert it. I think its unfortunate that Priests must succumb to such oppression. I’m sure a life so suppressed is a breeding ground for perversions such as pedophilia. However, its not just  a gay issue, straight men, who have nothing to do with the Catholic Church, are out there molesting girls, and boys. Look at the prison mentality, that kind of sex isn’t gay, it is the result of a system meant only to make you more evil. Prison Sex=Power, end of story. As far as who is more screwed up mentality, gay or straight? We should be, but statistically speaking we are not. Its the same thing, don’t think for a moment its not. My story is different from most, however, I too, am apart of this human experience. That is the point of this blog, so that you see how very little difference there is. 

 This last part was the cold shower. I wanted to get that out of the way, before I turned up the heat. You are still in luck, Sodom has yet to burn.  

   

 I had my first sexual experience at age 9. At age 10, my friend and myself were caught “playing around”. You might say we were just “exploring ourselves”, however, I was fully penetrating him, and I knew what I was doing.  I hadn’t been taught by an Adult, or sexually abused in some way prior, all boys start feeling that tingle around 8-9. Nowadays, I think kids go into puberty around 5. Have you seen the average 12 year old girl lately? She looks like she’s been partying for a couple years. I remember years ago, that 7 year old gave birth, twisted. 

 What I had done to learn the “birds and the bee’s” was I  found my stepfather’s pornography, and even thoughit wasn’t as big as the men in the movies, it was just as hard. It grew up nicely, I’m proud of it. Anyway, my friend and I got busted by his big sister. I can only imagine what that teenage girl (circa 1984) must have thought. All boys do things with their wieners. When I was at summer camp, boys that age,  get erect pretty much all of the time. When leaving the shower, they would just hang their towels off their erect penis. They may have not penetrated each other, but I promise, they jacked each other off. 

 That poor family was horrified. My Mom seemed to expect it. All she asked me was, “Why did you do that?” I responded with, “I don’t know.” After that, the subject was dropped. That poor soul probably spent his life trying to prove to his family that he wasn’t gay. Sorry Dude, that maybe my bad.

 I didn’t have another experience until Middle school, were my first and only experience with a female took place. Now, I was older, and had some grass on the field. However, I knew girls were not going to be the object of my desire. I said they were, but they were not. I had no idea that girls were interested in sex too. I was sniffing scotch guard with a girl one day, and she took off her shirt and bra, and then put her titties in my mouth. My mouth was open because I was in shock that she showed me here titties. When you are 13, it isn’t really about being gay or straight, any kind of human contact can make your soldier stand at attention. Since mine seemed up for the job, I dove into the abyss, for the first and last time.

 It didn’t last long. As a matter of fact, I think it lasted the approximate time of a scotch guard high, about 5-7 seconds. When it was over, we acted like nothing happened. I will never forget what the inside of female felt like. I had no idea that they had muscles which actually grab the penis as it goes in. Wow! You know, an ass can’t do that. It can tighten, and if you punch the person in the face, it will really tighten. However, there is no little hand inside pulling your pud, like there is in the puss.

 I’m not saying that the muff is better, because I really don’t think it is. I think better or worse is in the mind. Everything else is just textbook biology.

 After that, a couple of years went by. I couldn’t go to make out parties because I would have to kiss girls. Why bother. Around 16, I got a car. I couldn’t wait to get out of suburbia, and go straight to the ghetto…..the gay ghetto, that is. I had dreamed of this day for a long time.
                                             

 

     

      Do the Hustle!
    
 (doo do do doo do do)

                                                …some booty, that is.

 When I finally got a car, I could not get to the disco fast enough! I was ready. No, I didn’t want to dance. No, I didn’t want to drink…..Okay, yeah I did want to drink. But, what I really wanted was to fuck my brains out.

 I didn’t know how you got some one to do it with you, but I figured if I was there, it would happen. If you are straight, this isn’t the case, you have to develop certain skills. However, if you’re gay, and decent looking, the only requirement is that you show up. There is always a chicken hawk ready to show you the ropes at the gay bar. There are also many predators trying to sniff out innocence. I hope we are coming into a world where gay boys don’t have to go to a bar to learn about themselves. All I had was the disco, and I made the best of it. The club I went to was aptly named Heaven, and it felt like it was. This was around 1992, if anybody was there. You might remember me, I was always falling face first down the 3 steps that lead to the dance floor. It was those damn $1 margaritas. I can always remember a black queen coming to my rescue, with a look of horror. Most gay guys would die inside if they fell like an idiot, I wanted to do it again. “Oh honey, its okay. I’m one of those faggots that doesn’t give a shit.” I thought I was so cool. I didn’t care if any queens were laughing, because I always got the last laugh. You see, I have a talent for getting the “straight boys who go to gay bars”. I put that in quotations because they referred to themselves as “straight”, but why go to a gay bar. Don’t give me a list of reasons as to why straight men would choose to go to a gay bar, because everyone of them ended up very “gay”. First it was Bi now, but it always became Gay later. Oh please, You don’t really like the music, you like dick. If you like high energy dance music, you want to suck cock. 

 If you say you are straight, you should be taken on your word. Besides, it is your sexuality, which I’m sure is a mess. You deal with it, Not my Yob, so, I could care less. 

Straight! Ha! Straight to bed.

 Anyway, these guys were scared of queens, as well they should be. You see, I learned early on, the key to getting that kind of man, which was more desirable, because it was forbidden, was to make them feel comfortable. 

 As soon as they said, “Hey man, you’re really cool.”, its just a matter of time before we went out to the parking lot. Yes, I said parking lot. I’m not going anywhere. After you, there is a whole club of guys to get to. So, lets hurry it up. Queens could never roll that way. I know there are straight guys who date trannies, but gay guys want men, not women. Acting like a woman, a loud and abrasive woman, is not gonna get the Men, who desire other Men. That is why drag queens sleep with each other. I can get the real thing if I wanted, why go with a fake version of it. No disrespect to drag queens, some of the best are true artists, and I have respect and appreciation for their craft. I like you, just not in that way.

 Any queen, drag or just tired, were caddy as hell.They gave me dirty looks. I gave them smirks and winks. Funny thing, drag queens always have the best drugs. Props Bitch!

 This lasted about 4 months, no more. As I learned more about the social network we gays live in, my insecurities grew. In the 90’s, it was all about being mean in the gay scene, it really was. I was rejected a couple of times, and then I was done. I wasn’t rejected with a polite “No thank you.”, it was more like “Hell No!”. Honestly, I deserved it. I was meaner than that to the guys I had rejected. Each face permanently burned into memory.

 All of the sudden, even the fat guys, and amputees were settling for nothing less than perfection. It was weird, or then again, maybe it was just Houston. Regardless,  I don’t settle either, but I was never looking for perfection. I always liked attractive, but odd in some way. You could throw in an all American jock, just for shits and giggles, however, I liked, and still do, guys that had character.

 I remember this one deaf queer telling me in the bathroom, “Whuht I weelly want iss a mahdel.” “A model, huh? All I want is those paper towels, not you. Although, I would like a bump of your cocaine ” I think around this time I developed my own self loathing. I became a self hating queer. Gay men live in a fantasy world, where you are supposed to look like this…

…just to get laid. I don’t look like that, and I don’t want that! I left the gay bar scene, and moved to New York. It was there I learned the art of seduction. I learned it the hard way, but what else is new? I focused on straight men, because I felt most comfortable around them. Obviously, this blog is part confession. I lived in denial over pursuing only straight men for awhile, they were easy to catch, much easier than gays. 

 I’m starting to think that is not necessarily true. I had a revelation the other day. Gay Men share similar insecurities. Men and Women do not. They have no idea what the other one is thinking, with gay guys, its like,“Not only do I know what you’re thinking, but how dare you!” Straight couples struggle to make the other understand. Gay couples know all too well.

 What is sexy to people, at any given time, is no more than just today’s trend. In the 90’s, it was all about the Euro trash man, with a muscular frame, and a lot of gell in his hair. Trickle down fashion, now the Guidos emulate that. 
  Today, it is all about ultra skinny girly boys with bangs. Times will change, but once you learn who you are, then you will know what you want. You know what I want?

 No, not necessarily Johnny Knoxville, but someone that can make me laugh, or at least has the same sense of humor as myself. I have realized that the best quality some one can have, that tells me there is good sexual chemistry, is humor. I don’t need, or want,  a Robin Williams type, going a mile a minute, not to mention all of the body hair.  I just want some one who can find humor in the  the same things that I find humor in. If some one doesn’t “get it”, I promise, awkwardness will rear its ugly head. Sure, it helps if they look good, but they most likely will  be more into themselves than they are into you. That’s not fun. If some one takes themselves too seriously, they will probably not be able to loosen up behind closed doors. Unless maybe they’re just slutty and weird, but then I can’t loosen up. 
So, for me, its funny first, sexy second.

You don’t have to leave, please don’t misunderstand.  Take your jacket back off, and sit down. I’m not kicking any hotties out the door just yet. I’m not discarding the skinny pretty boy either, or the hot muscle man, or any fucking man.  I will find something we can both find funny. If I can’t , I’ll just fake it. 

 Its all good, in theory, but sex creates a weird social dynamic.

 You might call it “Game”, but I prefer to call it, “Hi. Would you like to fuck?” I’m not good at games. I wish it were that easy, to just ask so casually, like bumming a cigarette. Although, it seems that gay men tend to require not much more than Hi, would you like to…

 The thing is, both gay and straight people do a dance that gets so convoluted, you don’t know what the hell is going on. Does he like me? Is he just being nice? What does his body language say? All of this crap is going through people’s mind, and why?

 

People are terrified of rejection. They are so terrified, they just don’t even try. Also, we are taught that sex is wrong in some way. We don’t feel free to express ourselves openly. Mostly, its due to the fear of laughter, not with you, but at you.

 Straight men, of the blue collar persuasion, don’t give a shit. They are the ones that yell out, “Hey Baby, come ride this dick”, to any woman that walks by. They know most woman will be horrified, and quite blunt with her disapproval, however, there will be one who is interested in going for a ride. They know this, all of the countless rejections matter not, once the highly anticipated slut finally arrives. If you are one of these sluts, you should know what everyone is thinking….including myself. Oh, you thought I was down? Not with home wrecking, besides…

 Consider yourself lucky, slutty gay men have AIDS, you just have disgrace. Regardless, no one should die from having sex. AIDS should be fought vigorously. It wasn’t at the beginning, and there have been too many to fall victim to this tragedy. Anyone can get it, of course. But lets be real. Gay Men don’t have the “slut” stigma, however, we aren’t supposed to just fuck everyone. I met a guy two years ago who was 23, and was positive. 23! How can this be? In 2000 and whatever, a young healthy guy, what? Didn’t know?! Maybe it was crystal meth, but really, it was unprotected sex, that is the culprit. A lot of risky unprotected sex. Cut down your odds, and don’t suck every dick you see. Don’t take it, just because someone  wants to give it! If you are on drugs…this is already too long.

 As much as I can talk about sex with confidence, does not mean I’m a slut. I have made some mistakes,sure, and I have learned. I didn’t have to repeat them over and over.  The one mistake I never made was “bare backing” (figure it out). I’m clean, and I intend to stay that way. Abstinence won’t save me, education will.

 -Now, Back to the overly friendly ladies

 Even if you are textbook attractive, if you are a dirty girl, you are busted. I always assume sluts are sluts, because Daddy didn’t love them, or Daddy loved them in the wrong way. No one respects sluts, especially the men who use them as cum receptacles.

 We aren’t supposed to have sex with everybody, even though it is a natural desire. People carry diseases, physically, socially, and mentally. You open yourself up to this, when you open that “precious flower” between your legs. Sex should be a beautiful bond between two people, even gay people.

  If a decent woman gives herself to you, it is because she trusts you. Only us men, have a need to release, not them. I’m sure woman enjoy sex, but they don’t get blue ovaries if they don’t cum. The problem was we were scared into “saving ourselves” for marriage, with religion and society. We were repressed, in hopes of sustaining abstinence. We weren’t taught the idea that having a sexual bond with only one person, makes that person so special, it strengthens family, and the act is love, not sin. Instead we were taught that it was all bad, and we should not even have the feelings. That was stupid. Unlike drugs and alcohol, we had actual hormones pushing us towards sex. It wasn’t peer pressure that made me seek sexual gratification, it was hormonal pressure. If you have never been a teenage boy, you have no idea what that kind of pressure that is. Every thought and hard on, can not be controlled by sheer will at 14, however, at 40, you should finally be getting the hang of it.

Anyway, Let’s get back to the party.


Hey Fellas, what’s going on in here?

I have been in only one threesome in my life. It happened only because I was really into one of the guys, but not his boyfriend. Lesson Learned. It was an awkward experience. I guess it wasn’t bad, but guys say the same thing in bed, when you throw another guy into the mix, all you here is, “You’re Hot…so fucking hot. You want this? Huh? Tell me you want this. Yeah, So fucking hot…fuck yeah, suck that…”

 “I’m sorry, are you talking to me or him?”

 Gay couples like to bring gay singles home, because this way, they can have fun, kick the single one out when its over, and go back to playing house. If you are a gay couple, here is a clue, please take notes.

 Most likely, the single guy you two are trying to lure back to your den, only likes one of you. Regardless, he’s not all that into it, anyway.  You may tell yourself that he is, but only couples have to beg, and have you noticed, you are always having to beg? Single people prefer single people…to sleep with. They may get a group of single people together, but couples are annoying…not all, but a lot.

 I know situations will vary from individual. I’m sure there are many who love being a third wheel. It’s great when you are being worshiped by two bottoms, who are really excited that neither of them has to be the top,“ooh, we both get ride bitch tonight! I love you. No! I love you!” Oh Shut Up! I know it is really sweet, but too much already.  Come on, couples are couples. At the end of the night, you are going to have to make your way home, or sit there and listen to them talk about “US”, and what “US” has been like.  This means they live in a bubble only desired by them. People want to hear gossip, not affection. Get A Room! No, I don’t find your love amazing. Actually, I could care less. I’m not jealous, I’m bored.

 I have never attended an orgy. It has never really attracted me. I will say this, before I moved to Los Angeles, in summer of 2000, My friend Matt, threw a party. Don’t get ahead of me, it didn’t turn out to be anything other than a party. However, he shared a condo with a flaming hair stylist, a sweet guy actually. Anyway, we were upstairs, and the hair stylist was having his own get together down stairs. I can’t remember why, but Matt and myself left, and then came back. We made the mistake of coming in the front door. There, in the middle of the salon,  6-7 queens were buck naked, with one thin blond female, who was also naked. They were dancing to Britney Spears, Hit me, baby, one more time. This is not all that bizarre, and really just funny to watch. The problem was not the nudity, or the horrible pop music. The problem was the dense smell of ass. It went through out the whole house. You could not get away from it. I made a decision that night. I wouldn’t be attending orgies. That wasn’t even an orgy,I don’t recall any sex, just ridiculous dancing, but the smell…oh my God…that smell!

Speaking of smells…

Secret Sex is not so secret!

 If you like to do it dangerously, like at work, or in a public place, always remember, like death, Sex has a distinct odor. Its a thick funk. Even blowjobs have a faint musk. Not only that, but if you get caught, you won’t find it so sexy anymore. I was at a party in NYC. It was a townhome on the upper east side. I couldn’t find the restroom. I opened one door, and turned on the light, and a couple (male/female) were engaging in anal sex. When the gentleman noticed my presence, he quickly pulled out of the woman’s butt. I’m assuming because she was startled, she accidentally released her bowels all over him. I was laughing so hard I could not get out of the room…that was until the smell hit me.

 If you intend to engage in booty bumpin, please use an enema before hand. Seriously, If I am about to hook up with a guy, and I go into his bathroom, and there is not a box of enemas, I’m just getting a blow job, and then I’m leaving. Young gay bottom boys don’t seem to care so much about this. Good luck on getting any return visits. I, for one, won’t even venture in the nastiness the  first time. Its a courtesy, please, no one wants shit on their dicks. Enough said.

Some people have really bizarre fetishes. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, and it is between two consenting Adults, then by all means, do it! Then feel free to tell me about it. I love to hear about how freaky people get.

 Some things I understand, and some things just make no sense to me. If you are in a relationship, you have to find new things, because it will get boring. That is okay, Sex is not the basis for a relationship, its just a great perk. Don’t dispose of an individual, just because you are bored with the Sex, that is really your baggage. However, if your relationship is based on sex, have your bags packed, it will be over shortly.

 Some people get it all of the time. Others just want it all of the time. However, please note, the people who have a lot of sex are no more happier than those who don’t. What is attractive to people is relative. I once new a handsome Jewish boy, who was really rich. He was in love with a 400lb black guy. I knew them both. Most people couldn’t understand how they could hook up, but they were really into each other. They moved away years ago, but for all I know they are still together.

 It doesn’t matter if you are “hot” or “not”. I know, you are saying to yourself, “Hey Corndog, you are fucking beautiful! Who are you to tell people it doesn’t matter what they look like?”  Well, hold your horses there, Fugly!

 I have seen a lot in this life. One thing I see over and over, is there really is some one out there looking for some one just like you, I promise. I have seen the nastiest people (in my opinion) get hooked up. There are people who are into retards, the morbidly obese, amputees, midgets, albinos, you name it. People were made to have sex! People are always looking to have sex. Not everyone wants the stereotypical beauty. I can find something attractive in almost everyone. That is just an observation, finding something attractive does not equal to me agreeing to have sex with you. I really don’t know why I’m attacted  to the people I am. Some are beautiful, some just have  something going on in their eyes. It comes down to chemistry. However, if you think you are not sexy, you aren’t. Neither are the people who try so hard to be sexy, as though sex appeal is the only thing to validate your existence, please. They are worse than those with low self esteem, I wish them harm, others I wish would cheer up, or better yet, throw that middle finger up in the air, and fuck them bitches. Get over your fear, and put your ass on the market. If you don’t, that’s fine too. However, we are made to do these things, like love and sex. You are missing out on a big part of being a person, simply because of fear. You don’t fool anyone, but chin up, no one cares but you. 
People cope, they do. Women get cats, Men become the unabomber. 

And it, is far from Rosy on the sexually active side. Sex=Drama….Always.

 I love drama. I am coming to accept that. No one should apologize for their needs. Show them what you got, and then force them to show you theirs, then you’ll see they are just as scared. I think you both are idiots. To dwell on your insecurities, is fucking selfish. Genocide is occurring in in certain places in the world. Part of our species wants to kill another part.  If you are, or are not getting your dick sucked, and your pussy played with, is of absolutely no importance.

 The key to having a healthy sex life is not based  in quantity, but rather responsibility, education, and safety! People who have a successful, and healthy sex life win. The ones with all of the notches on the bedpost lose. They are just dirty,and they can’t wash it off. Weren’t you taught in school that whores aren’t worthy of love, they just aren’t.

 You don’t have to be in love, but love makes sex work like it is supposed to work. You should never have sex with some one just because they want to have sex with you. Having sex on demand creates resentment in the other individual. They hate you, because you have allowed yourself to become no more than dirty tissue paper. That is why pimps don’t give ho’s any money. Ho’s are not people, they are wet towels. They are just a hole to be sold. You are more than that, and should be treated as so. You are spitting on creation, when you look at another human being solely as a sexual tool. There is a soul inside that person, be careful.

 I would also like to state,for the record, the way I laid so many “straight dudes” before (an accomplishment only to gay men), was because I was cool, not creepy. Oh, and I know how to seduce, but I only seduce the willing.You would be surprised how many men are more than willing. They are willing to have sex, but there is no way they can be in a relationship, that is my definition of straight. How will  they know you want them, unless you let them know. Don’t fear rejection, its pointless. Now you might be saying it was predatory of me to seduce straight men, you are wrong. There is nothing noble or sacred in being “straight”. Fucking  Machismo tells us to value  manhood, that is bullshit. I have never forced anyone, as a matter of fact, they were begging, and I was reluctant, most of the time. You might say they weren’t straight, and you might be right. About %50 of Men go bitch, at least once in their life. They labeled themselves “straight”. However, there is no difference between gay testosterone, and straight testosterone. Funny, what people are afraid of most becomes what they desire most. 

 The only thing that matters to me, is that none were married with children. I have nothing to prove, and I certainly don’t think you look good enough to destroy a family. Thank you very much.

 I would like to cover everything in this blog, but I just can’t. There are many books written on sex, countless articles, and oh, there’s world wide web of smut to indulge in. I suggest you educate yourself.

 

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend. I asked her who was better in bed, between two specific guys.  Her response was, “Everyone is the same.” I thought she was on to something. After all,It is really just one motion, with side of licking.  Sex can be a very mundane experience after awhile. What makes it different is what is going on in your head. How you feel about some one, this determines what the sex is like. I know men who seek out prostitutes, just to degrade them, because they get off to hate. Emotion is what seasons sex. This is why deep feelings matter. Without them, sex becomes a grind. You aren’t engaging in a wonderful activity anymore, you are going to work. If you are going to work, then get ready to pay the piper. Sooner, or later, we must all face the end of the road with sex. As we get older, it fades into a memories. If you have sex just as a courtesy,or an inability to say no,  or its a job (ie mistress’, whores, porn stars), you will get there way before the rest of us.

 The best way to avoid death on all levels is to just be safe. We all are going to die, why rush it? Sex can bring unimaginable amounts of joy, but it can also kill your body and soul. AIDS still kills, and it costs a lot of money to get the drugs necessary for survival. That is just one of the many ways Sex can destroy a person. Be Smart. Its not worth it to learn the hard way.

 
 

 

And now, for your future sexcapades, I present to  you…



                              The Rules

               
       

1. Don’t ever beg for sex. If some one says no, don’t assume they are playing hard to get. If you try to guilt people into having sex, I promise, they will hate you for it. No one owes you an orgasm. Straight dudes should take heed. There is nothing more pathetic than a pity fuck. Learn to deal with your emotions. Some times people, even during the act, may change their minds. Have some dignity. Don’t beg. You have a hand, use it. Just tell yourself they are the weirdos, turn the judgement around on to them. I don’t care what makes you feel better, just don’t fucking beg.

2. Don’t have sex on drugs. Yeah, it might be amazing, however, you will not be able to have sex sober,at least that is what you will tell yourself,  thus begins a vicious cycle.

3. Don’t get drunk and cruise for men, especially if you tend to fuck anyone who is willing to take you home. There are scum buckets out there, who look for people who are fucked up, and then they weasel their way in. Not everyone is as wasted, and they see who you leave with. There is nothing worse than waking up next to ruthless toothless, and knowing you did it. OucH.  Alcohol throws your standards right out the door. People don’t forget. Do you really want a reputation for fucking bottom feeders?

4. If you are horny, and find yourself alone, feel free to masturbate. It will not make you go blind. Its way cheaper than dating. By the time you get dressed and go out, the anticipation will have over ridden the nervous system, and any sex will be a let down, especially if you pay for it. Contrary to popular belief, men don’t have to have an  orgasm to cum. Most likely, if you hunt for some ass, your mind will be over it once you get it. Pop in some porn, or go online.

5. Always masturbate before going out on a date. If you have one in the chamber, and you don’t clean out your gun, you could miss fire, and be premature about things.

6. If you have a small penis, don’t believe those people who say size doesn’t matter, it does. You should stay home and masturbate. I hope you find the right person, but don’t try to use that little thing.People talk. Even  if she says its okay, she is horrified. If some one wants to sleep with you, let them know up front. A surprise like that is not easily over looked, and people talk. For the most part, size doesn’t matter, as long as you are in the normal range.  I prefer average, as opposed to huge.  Anything less is not common, and it freaks people out. 4″ or less, this means you. I don’t mean to be cruel, I’m trying to save you from embarrassment. Curse God, and die. (not really, but I would if I was you)

7. All men talkAll women talk. If something happens during sex that you don’t want anyone to know, get your hands on some blackmail, its your only hope.

8. Hygiene is so important. It really is. I like the smell of man too…after a shower.

9. Be sensitive to your lover. Read them,try to see what they are really feeling. sex is not about you, and only you. There are two people trying to get something out of it. When I tell you not to touch me there, don’t! You are only going to piss me off. If you keep it up, and  laugh at my discomfort, the only one who will be  laughing is me, when I leave you with two little blue balls. If you are a selfish lover, fuck off, its really that simple. Here’s an idea, sex is about sharing.

10. Be willing to try new things. This is hard for me too, but, you never know. One time, I was out with a guy, we came back to my pad, and I thought sex was imminent. However, He just wanted to suck on my toes. I thought he was disgusting at first. After I relunctantly agreed, he started to suck on my toes, all the way  until the morning came. It was the most amazing feeling, and I have yet to find another one who is willing. For the record, NO! I’m not going to do it to anyone, so don’t ask.

Thank you for reading this. I’m sure I will write more blogs about Sex in the future. Its a never ending buffet of wonder. I leave you with this. Sex is fun, and it’s funny. It is also both fun and funny to talk about sex. However, keep the  talking down to a minimum during actual sex, unless you are into that type of thing. Finally, NEVER, I mean, NEVER laugh during sex. It hurts people’s feelings. They don’t believe you when you say you aren’t laughing at them, you’re just laughing. I learned that one the hard way.

Don’t Stop. Get it. Get it.


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2 Responses

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